Modern Definitions for Absurd Jobs

Get ready to rethink ridiculousness with satirical definitions for the wackiest of work roles. In the playful spirit of Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary, this modern take pokes fun at eccentric job titles from penguin tickler to professional sleeper. Just as Bierce used ironic lexicography to skewer societal absurdities, these definitions wink at the questionable logic behind certain careers.
Professional Penguin Tickler: Getting paid to bring joy to the waddle!
Underwater Basket Weaver: Taking the 'weaving' game to new depths!
Professional Cuddler: Because everyone needs a 'hug' in their resume.
Golf Ball Diver: The underwater treasure hunter of the fairway!
Chicken Sexer: Bringing expertise to the feathered mystery of 'who's who.'
Odor Judge: Deciding if a scent is 'fragrant' or 'frustrating'.
Pet Food Tester: Ensuring pets eat like kings – or at least discerning royalty.
Water Slide Tester: Going down slides for a 'slippery' profession.
Face Feeler: Making sure skincare is as 'touching' as it claims.
Professional Snuggler: Adding a 'soft touch' to the modern world.
Panda Nanny: Because even pandas need a nap buddy!
Duck Master: Leading ducks – because crossing roads is too mainstream.
Chief Listening Officer: Because every conversation deserves an 'earful' of attention.
Train Pusher: Turns out, there's a job for gently pushing people!
Gum Buster: A 'sticky' situation solver.
Professional Sleeper: Finally, 'dream' comes true as a job!
Furniture Tester: Proving that sitting is a serious profession.
Professional Mourner: Bringing 'drama' to funerals – for a price.
Snake Milker: The dairy farm's 'serpent' secret.
Emoji Translator: Converting hieroglyphics for the modern age.
Ostrich Babysitter: Watching over chicks – even when they can't fly.
Waterslide Tester: Splashing into a world of career opportunities.
Flavorist: Cooking up 'flavorful' careers, one taste at a time.


Sign-Off
So next time someone scoffs at your seemingly absurd profession, just refer them to this dictionary! Because at the end of the day, umbrage is an inevitable occupational hazard when your job is yak hair weaver, outrage adjuster, or professional doorknocker repeller. Hey, someone's got to test those doors. And as long as we find meaning in the work, no job is too outlandish. Unless you're an ostrich appraiser - now that's just excessive. Have an eggscellent day!