Alice: You know, I hate brushing my teeth at night. Bob: Why's that? Alice: Because it's like signing a contract that says, "No more food for you!" I'm just not ready for that level of commitment.

Sarah: Hey, have you ever tried exercising? Alex: Oh yeah, I gave it a shot once. Turns out, I'm allergic to it. Sarah: Allergic to exercising? Seriously? Alex: Yeah, my skin started flushing, heart racing, got all sweaty and short of breath.

Patient: Can I become a chef post-operation? Doctor: Absolutely, you'll master the art of slicing and dicing medical bills.

Athlete: Doc, can I finally become a pro athlete after this? Doctor: Sure, you'll break records for the fastest hospital hallway sprint.

"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. What a way to motivate drunkards!