Linda: I had a talk with a nutritionist today. Mark: Really? What did they say? Linda: They were like, "You should eat 1,200 calories a day." Mark: And what did you ask? Linda: I just wondered, "OK, and how many a night?"

Alice : You know, I tried that new Lean Cuisine for lunch today. Bob : Oh yeah? How was it? Alice : Let's just say, I can confidently say, "Wow, that Lean Cuisine really filled me up," said no one ever.

Person 1: "You know you're getting old when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you." Person 2: "Seriously? I thought you only became 'vintage' after 30 bids!" Person 1: "Well, at least I'm becoming a collector's item."

Sam: Did you hear about that incident a while back when Hamas supposedly "arrested" a dolphin for being an Israeli spy? Joye: Seriously? That's wild! So, what are people saying? Sam: Well, the readers of Reason magazine had some movie title ideas for the situation. One of them was "Orcapussy"

Kapil: Vijay, did you hear about the fashion-forward alligator with a vest? Vijay: Nope, Kapil. What's the deal? Kapil: It's an Investigator, out there solving "cold-blooded" cases in style!