A pilot submitted a request: "As I have a pressing appointment at the 'cremation ground' at 10 o'clock, and it's a one-way flight, kindly extend to me a half-day casual leave – no return ticket required."

I was driving by a Thai massage place with my friend... He glanced over at the place and laughed, I asked him what was so funny and he told me “Hah, they spelt “Thigh” wrong”

A honeymoon couple went to Thailand and ordered a Thai massage for themselves. After the masseuse was done she asked, "Sir? Massage Peenis?". The man looked sheepish, but kept quiet, looking shiftily at his wife. The masseuse repeated, "Sir, Massage Peenis?." Embarrassed and expecting his wife's objection, the man kept his silence, yet again. Finally, his wife looked at him and commented, "Don't raise your hopes too high, Honey... She's just telling you that her "Massage's Finished!"

On friend asked the other, "Why did the cranberries turn red at Thanksgiving dinner?" The drunk friend replied, "Because they saw the turkey dressing!"

Ron: Hey, you know what a turkey's all about on Thanksgiving? Alex: Tell me, what's the scoop? Ron: Well, their favorite dessert is a Peach "gobble-er"! They've got a taste for fruity humor! Alex: Haha, I guess they're all about that "gobble, gobble, peach, and giggle" spirit during the feast!