"Marriage is finding someone to annoy for the rest of your life," said a married man.
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"I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, and she said yes – about me doing the dishes, taking out the trash, and cleaning the house."
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"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person – as long as they remember to put the toilet seat down."
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"Husbands are like WiFi – you think they're connected, but you still have to check to make sure."
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
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