Patient: Can I become a chef post-operation? Doctor: Absolutely, you'll master the art of slicing and dicing medical bills.

Ria: Hey, have you seen Linda lately? She used to be so into jogging. Ana: Oh yeah, she quit jogging recently. Ria: Really? Why? Ana: Well, she said she gave it up for health reasons. Ria: Health reasons? That's surprising. Jogging is supposed to be good for you. Ana: Yeah, apparently her thighs were rubbing together so much that her pantyhose caught fire.

Vijay: Hey, you know, all my life I thought air was free. Sia: Well, it is free, isn't it? Vijay: Nah, not anymore. I bought a bag of chips!

Sarah: Hey, have you ever tried exercising? Alex: Oh yeah, I gave it a shot once. Turns out, I'm allergic to it. Sarah: Allergic to exercising? Seriously? Alex: Yeah, my skin started flushing, heart racing, got all sweaty and short of breath.

Alice: You know, I hate brushing my teeth at night. Bob: Why's that? Alice: Because it's like signing a contract that says, "No more food for you!" I'm just not ready for that level of commitment.