Person 1: "You know you're getting old when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you." Person 2: "Seriously? I thought you only became 'vintage' after 30 bids!" Person 1: "Well, at least I'm becoming a collector's item."

Alice : You know, I tried that new Lean Cuisine for lunch today. Bob : Oh yeah? How was it? Alice : Let's just say, I can confidently say, "Wow, that Lean Cuisine really filled me up," said no one ever.

Linda: I had a talk with a nutritionist today. Mark: Really? What did they say? Linda: They were like, "You should eat 1,200 calories a day." Mark: And what did you ask? Linda: I just wondered, "OK, and how many a night?"

Sarah: You know, I've got this unique diet going on. Mike: Oh, really? What kind of diet? Sarah: It's the seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. Mike: Well, that's certainly straightforward!

Friend 1: "Excuse me, waiter, is this fish fresh?" Waiter: "Absolutely, sir. It was doing laps in the tank just this morning!" ??‍♂️