I saw this advertisement in the classifieds: "For sale: cemetery plot, $300, so I don't have to spend all of eternity beside my ex!

Jack: "Hey, ever wonder how Santa delivers presents during a thunderstorm?" Emily: "No clue, how?" Jack: "His sleigh is flown by raindeer!"

Chris: "Hey, have you ever wondered what Santa's helpers are called?" Megan: "No idea, what are they called?" Chris: "Subordinate Clauses!"

Nurse Lisa: "You won't believe what happened last night. I struggled to lift the elderly patient onto the bed using all the techniques we learned." Nurse Maria: "What?" Nurse Lisa: "I gave it my all, finally got him up there." Nurse Maria: "Usually I just ask him to get in bed, and he listens!

Tom stumbled into a fancy restaurant, looked at the menu, and sighed, "I'll have what the house is drinking, please!"